Living the Dream

For those who don't know where it started, my dream began when I was probably around 14 or 15 years old. I decided to start writing songs one day. It seemed like a good idea. After I began writing I found the Tunesmith songwriting forum, where I'd post lyrics for critique and read about the adventures of others. I don't remember when it was, but someone mentioned the Bluebird Cafe. Now, I was just a teenager from southern Indiana who wrote for a hobby. I didn't know anything about the Bluebird Cafe, but it sounded like the songwriter mecca, so I made up my mind that I would play there.
Of course, to a dreamer, the feat seemed within reach. I just had to be in Nashville.
My first trip to Nashville came and went, followed by several other visits. Suddenly I was in the right place, but after experiencing a show at the Bluebird, I told myself that I wasn't ready yet. I was just waiting for the right song that would give me the courage to make the journey to Music City and stand on that stage. The "right song" didn't come.
Every year, I thought about it. Then, a few years ago, I told my Facebook friends about my dream...but I gave it a timeline so it would become a goal. To play the world famous Bluebird Cafe by the time I turned 30. The months turned to years, as I still waited for the "right song" to justify the trip.

Fast forward to October 2017...suddenly we up and moved to Nashville. We love this city and the community, and both found great jobs. For the most part, everything was perfect. Then I turned 29. From that day, a clock constantly ticked on in the back of my mind. I told my boss about my dream, and asked if I could take a few hours off on short notice sometime, as soon as I had the "right song". She fully supported me and Aaron told me we would figure out a way to make it happen.

But what happened? Life happened. I completed my songwriting challenge last year, primed and ready to write the perfect song for my Bluebird debut. Then my world changed for the better when Aaron asked me to marry him. Suddenly my focus shifted from music to the wedding and the honeymoon. I rarely thought about my dream to play the Bluebird, but when I did, the fact that time was running out was so terrifying that I would adjust my focus to something else. Rarely have I had a goal that I have been unable to accomplish. Every time I thought about it, I felt like a failure for not achieving my dream yet.

Then I woke up on Friday, February 1st, and told myself that it was going to happen. It'd been months since I'd played and I hadn't really written anything since the challenge in May, but I wasn't going to let this one get away. I told Aaron and my coworkers that I was going to play in the Open Mic show on Monday.

I woke up sick on Saturday but I still practiced two of my best songs from the challenge. My voice was gone on Sunday, but I wasn't going to let that get in my way. Monday morning, I waited for the phone lines to open and dialed 70 times before I finally got through. I got on the list.

Monday was such a whirlwind of emotion. I remember standing in line asking myself if it was really going to happen. My hands were shaking as I waited, and as I played, but I will never forget the feeling that came over me as I stepped on stage. It'd been five years since I'd played a writer's night, and it felt like coming home.

Was my playing on point? No. Did I mess up? Yes.


Was that night perfect?

Yes.

With two days to spare, my dream came true, with my love in the audience cheering me on. I still cannot even put the feelings into words. On cloud nine, I cannot wait to go back and play again. However, this time I won't let self doubt stand in my way for fifteen years.