New year, New Beginnings, New Approach

As I hopped into bed and began to reach for the remote this evening, after a full day of binging on NCIS and football, I stopped short of turning my tv on. Perched atop of my nest of pillows, I glanced around the room trying to decide how I should wind down. I stared at my guitar collection for a moment, trying to decide whether or not I wanted to play, and if the case that I ordered last week will fit my Sonoran (because that pretty red guitar will make for some nice pictures on the beaches of St. John in 37 days). I looked at my sketch pad, debating on if tonight was the night that I would finish some of my doodles. Then, for a few minutes, I glanced at the half-peeled polish on my toe nails and tried to convince myself that it's about time that I re-paint them. But alas, my patience tonight has worn thinner than the few specks of sparkling red polish that remain. The brass duck on my bookshelf caught my eye, as I pondered how it would look polished, before my concentration fell upon the collection of books that are relying on the brass duck to act as a book end (it works quite well).  One book, in particular, caught my eye.

While I was sitting in class for my graduate program, at one point, one of my fellow students mentioned a book by Sheryl Sandberg, titled "Lean In". As I was sitting in class, my mind wandering, I chose to find and purchase the book on eBay. A few minutes after the student had brought up the book, I had a copy ordered, and I was anxiously awaiting the end of my graduate program, at which time I would be able to read for enjoyment, rather than for educational purposes. 

I  made my final presentation last June. The book sat, untouched, as I used my abundance of free time for other endeavors...okay, I watched a lot of NCIS and Criminal Minds and Weather Channel documentaries. However, tonight, I decided to pick the book up. The work, which discusses women and how they approach leadership roles, has been a pleasant read thus far. Sure, I'm only on page 25, but I haven't lost interest!! What does this have to do with songwriting? Don't worry, I'll get to the point.

In chapter one, Sandberg discusses the culture she encountered while working at Facebook, and quotes some motivational posters that were placed around the facility. One quote stopped me in my tracks. 

"What would you do if you weren't afraid?"-From Who Moved My Cheese? by Spencer Johnson

So, instead of finishing the chapter and drifting off to dreamland, my inner blogger took charge, leading me to pull out my laptop.

What would you do if you weren't afraid? What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

I often talk myself out of pursuing co-writing endeavors because I don't think I will be good enough. Sure so-and-so is willing to strike up a conversation with me, but I'd rather them think that I might eventually be a good writer than having them realize that I'm not that great right now. 

I've been telling myself for almost five years that I am going to put together a demo CD to send to the local songwriting showcase. I've planned out my set list. I've sat on a stool in my room, staring into the mirror, practicing how I will introduce my songs. I've played a few open mic nights here and there, and I even played a round in Nashville once, but I have yet to put together four or five songs that I feel are worthy for submitting to the showcase.

A few people have told me that I should move to Nashville. Other than the logical side of me that acknowledges the fact that dropping everything and moving on just a wing and a prayer would be, for me and my personal situation (having four horses to feed and student loans to pay and no singer/songwriter career pursuits), a bit irresponsible, I fear that doing something so extreme would end poorly. 

Lastly, there are times that I am overcome with excitement about a new song, a concept, or a hook.  I have the whole plot developed in just a few minutes and I can't wait to sit down with my laptop, or a pen and paper, to bring the idea to life. But then, when I get the chance, I stop and I think. Is this too cliche? Is this line too abstract? Will anyone get it? Will anyone care? Will it be too mushy? Omigod, I have a boyfriend now, and if I write mushy will he think I'm being mushy about us and freak out? Quick, I'll just turn it into a break-up song! But what if he thinks that's what I want? Umm...I'll figure out some way to tweak it into a sort of vague inspirational tune? 

I'm so overcome by fear of failing to properly convey my song concept that I stop myself dead in my tracks and turn on another episode of NCIS. 

What would I do if I wasn't afraid?

I'd pursue those co-writes. The worst they can do is say no, right?

I'd put together that demo CD for the showcase. People may hate my songs, but maybe one person will be able to relate.

I'd move to Nash...um...I'd spend more time in Nashville. Yeah, we'll go with spend more time in Nashville. Besides, as much as I love the music scene...I hate crowds and Nashville is booming. Good for them, bad for folks like me.

Finally, I'd write the damn song. I'd quit overthinking and just let it flow. Even if the lines are super corny and the melody is the most generic three chord progression ever, I'd at least enjoy the excitement of the process.

So as I sit here, almost an hour past my bedtime, and still needing to finish the last few pages of the first chapter,  I will, from this point on, write without fear. I will finally commit to putting together my demo CD. And this time next week we will be in Nashville, so I can go ahead and check that off the list as a work in progress! Once I overcome these hurdles, I will finally pursue some of those cowriting opportunities that I have been too ashamed to ask for. Fear will no longer stand between me and this wild and crazy dream. I may not achieve any of my goals, but I'll never know if I never try.

So, what would you do if you weren't afraid?